Attributes of the false narcissistic self

Written by narcissistic abuse expert Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Narcissists feel no more love for the people they associate with than they do for strangers. They may use the word “love” to express their feelings and may occasionally demonstrate appropriate loving behavior, but it is a ruse. They are not emotionally equipped to love anyone but themselves. Even that love is distorted.

With all of their perceived power and grandeur, one would think that narcissists have very high self-esteem and great self-esteem. That is not like that. In reality, they have an ill-defined sense of self, frequent bouts of self-loathing, and constant feelings of inadequacy.

By “they” I mean your true self. That’s a side of narcissists that no one gets to see. He tells them that they are ugly, inferior, worthless, ugly, and powerless. Feeling that way about themselves is unbearable, so from childhood they deny that part and replace it with a facade that they are proud to show to the world. This facade is known as the “false me.”

The false self is impenetrable armor that, once conceived, is there for life. Their job is to absorb pain, hurt, frailty, and all perceived attacks from the narcissist’s outside world. Prevents him or her from excruciating self-examination and introspection; of having to face terrifying fears that you may be less than perfect.

If someone tries to expose the narcissist for who she really is, the false self lashes out with such terrifying rage that no one wants to be mad at her again.

The false self is everything the true self is not; grandiose, superior and entitled. He tells the narcissists that everyone likes them, everyone envy them, everyone wants to be like them, and because of their superiority, the rules that apply to others don’t apply to them.

Once the false self takes control, the true self is virtually unreachable to the outside world. The person you see is that of an imposter, capable of transforming into whatever personality he needs to capture the most narcissistic supply. Narcissists don’t have relationships. They take emotional hostages to ensure a reliable source of narcissistic supply.

With the false self running the show, it is impossible for narcissists to see their own imperfections. This is why they cannot admit that something is wrong with them, which is why there is a lack of validation of the victims’ experiences and an inability to acknowledge their wrongdoing. That is also why they cannot be helped. The false self keeps you blind to the truth.

If you hold on to a “relationship” with a narcissist hoping it will get better, understand that it never will. They see no reason to change and resent even the slightest hint that they should.

Narcissists look and, for the most part, act like everyone else, but their brains don’t work the same way as those who don’t have the same pathology. They are toxic, abusive, vengeful individuals with no redeeming qualities. Don’t let them fool you into thinking otherwise.

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