How to successfully ruin your marriage
There has been a lot of talk about marriages and couples, and working with them made me realize that even when there are tons of books out there to help couples live a ‘happy life’, very few explain how to successfully ruin it.
So since my job is to help people in the day-to-day lives of their relationships, I have in stock a comprehensive list of proven methods that have worked wonderful nightmares in their relationships. If you need help or assistance, or are just curious how many of them you are currently using, feel free to read this.
1- COMPLAIN FOR EVERYONE:
If there is something wonderful about complaints, it is that the list is endless and everything works. Is nothing enough to make you happy? The sun is too bright, the grass is too green, the birds sing too loud (especially in China), everything is so beautiful that your eyes hurt. Yes, this is just a perfect start to ruin your days and also those around you. Keep doing this as long as you can take it and I guarantee it will erase all smiles with astonishing success.
Just another example to give you ideas, let’s say you are in a restaurant:
complain about chairs (too heavy, too narrow, too low, too high, too … too),
the service is slow or too fast and does not give you enough time to know what you want;
glasses or forks are stained
the environment is too noisy
the lights are too bright (or not)
Food is too expensive and not good enough etc.
The list of complaints can be the size of your imagination.
two- Bend down in your partner for EVERYONE, avoid all kinds of own initiative.
Do you need help preparing a business lunch? Forget this! Alone WHOSE should. Find any excuse.
– Too tired
– Too busy
– Too afraid of doing something wrong
– There are not enough skills for the case, lack of experience.
– Why do you have to deal with that, can’t the assistant do it?
– Children keep you busy
– I need to walk the dog
– Relatives or friends are only visiting on that date.
– Problem of language ability
3- Avoid all engagements and social events, particularly those where your life partner requires your presence / assistance.
Again, all excuses are good. Just start with the usual ones:
– “you’re just not cut out for this kind of event”
– People are so weird and uninteresting.
– They really have nothing in common with you and make you sleepy.
– In fact, standing for so long makes your legs swallow and hurt.
– On the other hand ‘you have nothing to wear’
4- Forget about taking care of yourself, just let yourself go.
Life is too complicated and you really don’t have time for superficial matters. Try to gain a few pounds to build strength at this point, or if you’ve just had a baby, forget about getting back in shape.
-Keep the hairpin raised or with a ponytail, if you are a boy, leave your hair a little oilier than usual and your beard grows a little longer than usual, just enough to give you a bohemian air.
Ladies, forget about makeup when your husband is around. Remember, you like the natural and it will help your skin to be healthier and avoid wrinkles.
– Manicure? Pedicure? NO WAY
– Wear comfortable clothes, juggins and sweatshirts are perfect! Anyway, remember that you have nothing to wear.
-Avoid perfumes and perhaps deodorants as well.
– Best of all: if you have children, let them stain your clothes, burp, clean their mouths, etc. The scents they will leave on you will absolutely keep your spouse at a safe distance.
5- Make sure to avoid any kind of interesting conversations, stick to simple and boring topics.
Once you have become an expert on this topic, all contact will be avoided at all. If you are running out of ideas, let me give you some useful topics to start a topic:
– Talk about the ayi and the unfinished errands (drivers, gardeners, guards, etc. also work)
– Tell your partner all about your pet’s adventures; chewing on shoes, urinating in the house, running after people, etc.
– He criticized his friends, neighbors, teachers, baker, manicurist, etc.
– Compare your children with others and complain about their behaviors. Make sure you blame your spouse for not being around when necessary. By the way, here you can also talk about other parents and their lousy job as parents … not like you … the best in town taking care of your children.
6- In-laws are a pain in the back!
This is like tea Goose that lays the golden eggs, there is never enough. Complain, criticize, compare with your wonderful loving family, avoid them, and be sarcastic when relating to in-laws. Here you will collect all the credits and even the extras in the race to divorce.
I guess you got the point by now, to make sure you are scoring extra points, keep track of your fantastic work, take note of what works best, and try to make some improvements on it. In the process, try to have a little fun too, if possible.
Yuri ferrer
