Relationships: Can someone’s adult relationships reflect what happened during their early years?

• If someone is inclined to end up in relationships that are not very satisfying or even abusive, it may be normal for them to experience pain. Also, as a result of what continues to happen, they may come to see themselves as unfortunate.

This area of ​​your life will be more or less out of your control, which means there will be very little you can do about it. Because of having this perspective, they may even have moments when they feel like victims.

External support

What one can find, if you have this perspective, is that there are many people in your life who validate your point of view. Several of your friends, for example, could also be in a similar situation.

Then they can get together and talk about how unlucky they are and wonder when their luck will change. Then there will be very little they can do, since what is happening “out there” will be what needs to change.

Popular culture

The opinion that someone is just an observer of this area of ​​their life and does not play a role is something that is presented in movies and television series. Someone may seem like they are ending up in a bad relationship.

And since this is what the entertainment industry tends to present, it’s no wonder so many people take this view. The problem with this point of view is that it is not exactly empowering.

In desperate place

By having this perspective, one could end up feeling extremely jealous of people who have fulfilling relationships. It may seem that these people have something that they themselves have.

If this is so, one might believe that there is absolutely no chance that this area of ​​your life will ever change. The pain you experience in this area of ​​your life could end up affecting all other areas of your life.

Two levels

But even if one’s conscious mind believes that they are unlucky and even a victim, it does not mean that this is the truth. However, in order for one to discover why this area of ​​his life is the way it is, he most likely needs to dig deep into himself.

The reason for this is that it is happening in your conscious mind and it is also happening in your unconscious mind. What is happening in the second has a much greater effect than what is happening in the first.


When you understand this, you realize that you are not a victim, which will allow you to see that you do have control over this area of ​​your life. The downside is that when you are not aware of how another part of them is impacting your life, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel powerless.

It will appear as if something is holding you back; when in reality, it will be what is happening within them that is holding them back. What this emphasizes is how important self-knowledge is when it comes to living a full life.

Totally overlooked

Perhaps the main reason why one will lack self-knowledge is because this is not something that the educational system takes into account. In general, the whole purpose of this system is to indoctrinate people, not to allow them to develop a better connection with their own self.

During this time, then, most likely one has moved further away from oneself, not closer. Self-knowledge is something that one will have to develop for oneself; no one else will do it for them.

The priority

When it comes to the unconscious mind, this part of them will only want to experience things that are associated as familiar. For this part of them, what is familiar is what is classified as safe.

Therefore, this part does not care if something is empowering or satisfying, for example, it only cares about having experiences that are familiar. With this in mind, it is not difficult to see why someone might end up suffering when they are out of touch with this part of their being.

Two needs

So while one may consciously want to be with someone who will do good, another part of them may have a need to be with someone who will not. To their unconscious mind, the part of them that has the most effect, what they can feel safe is being around someone who is abusive.

Alternatively, one may want to be with someone who is emotionally available, but being with someone who is not may be what feels safe deep down. Not being aware of what is happening on a deeper level will be like walking in the dark; Whereas when one realizes it it will be as if a light had been turned on.

Back in time

The reason being with someone who is abusive or emotionally unavailable may be what feels safe may be because of what happened during their formative years. This time in their life they would probably have laid the groundwork for who they would be attracted to as adults.

Fortunately, once they are aware of what is happening, they will be able to do something about it. So while it may be difficult for one to accept that they are not simply an observer of what is happening, they will at least be able to embrace their own power.


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If you can relate to this and want to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.

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