The manly manual

After a dozen readings, I still laugh at this practical reference to manhood. I lost my first copy to one of my drinking buddies, so I was in good hands (or so I thought). My second copy has been carefully stored for several years in case I need to review manly behavior … like sleeping rigidly on your back, with one eye open or face down in the middle of a drunk, hang gliding in enemy territory or do whitewater canoeing. and be attacked by depraved mountaineers.

The Man’s Manual will re-teach you everything you need to know about food (anything fried or with additives), grooming (your own sweat is deodorant), dating (any girl on the jukebox is making fun of you) , philosophy (“a man has to do, what a man has to do”, “What do you care?”), your best friend (your car), respect for your mother (let her cook for you), history (the life of Ghengis Khan, the Alamo) and entertainment (for example, novels by Mickey Spillane).

If you’ve had it with feminist attitudes, communist propaganda, metrosexuals and Richard Simmons, well then partner, you need to get yourself a copy of The Manly Handbook. I mean quit quiche, bean sprouts, and daytime television, like now, soldier. Any food that is not spent eating red meat with red coloring, pork rinds, and scrambled eggs is just weak. Any time not spent in your car, bending your elbows at the bar, or watching a Sam Peckinpah movie is a waste of life for a man. So, catch up on the good stuff and read this book.