Have you ever been accused of being difficult to approach? How about being too independent? Of course, it is great to be a strong woman, but sometimes it can be carried too far. Men can perceive that you have a huge wall built around your heart. It may seem like you are hoping that a man can walk through it, climb it, or fly it to get to you!
It is understandable that many men give up before they get to the good things in you. If this sounds familiar, read on and find out how to let go of your “defensive tactics.”
Defensive signal 1: always wanting more space
Defensive daters feel stifled by too much time, attention, or affection from their boyfriend. They are afraid of being sucked into a relationship, losing themselves, and losing their freedom. They often end up pushing their partners away asking for more alone time.
Take charge of your dating destination: If you’ve heard this complaint from more than one partner, there may be some truth to it. Using the excuse of “needing more space” can be a way to avoid real intimacy or problem solving in a relationship.
While you may always want more space than your partner, you can learn to compromise so that your needs are met. Ask your partner what kind of time and activity is most important to him. Then ask how long they need to be apart. Together, you can put together a schedule that works for both of you.
Defensive sign 2: back off to avoid being rejected
Above all, defensive daters are afraid of getting hurt, so they often hide inside a “shell” to protect themselves. You would never know they were vulnerable. It may even seem that they just don’t care. This can make it seem like whenever you get to the point of being close, you often retreat or even break up. It just doesn’t seem worth the risk; it’s better to be alone than to be hurt.
Take charge of your dating destination: To win in love, you must stay in the game. Be aware of when you instinctively back off, then make a different choice. Choose to stay in the moment and weather the discomfort. Share your feelings instead of shutting up, stay in the room instead of leaving, and solve the problem instead of giving up.
Defensive sign 3: having trouble trusting and depending on others
Defensive Daters believe in taking care of themselves first. It makes them feel too vulnerable to ask for help, so they hardly ever do. They don’t share private information easily and you must earn their trust before they let you in.
Take charge of your dating destination: Keep in mind that even strong, independent people deserve support sometimes. Open up and share your problems with your partner rather than shouldering the burden yourself. Practice asking for help with small tasks like a trip to the airport, a little errand, or help around the house. When you start to dismantle your own walls, there will be a much greater opportunity for a wonderful guy to come into your life and he will even feel comfortable enough to stay.