Book Summary: “The Question Behind the Question” by John G Miller

Earlier this year, some fellow business coaches and I agreed to identify five or six nonfiction books that are our “go to” books when working with groups and individuals. I trust QBQ though! What you really need to ask yourself: Practice personal responsibility in business and in life. I myself was a little surprised that it appeared on more than a few lists of my colleagues. It’s not that it’s not a good book… I just didn’t know it had the following it did, at least among some of my peers. John G. Miller’s manual aims to help eliminate guilt, complaining, and procrastination and addresses what he feels is a major problem: a lack of personal responsibility.

“It’s not my fault.”

“Why is this happening to me?”

“No one told me.”

“It couldn’t be helped.”

“Who dropped the ball?”

“Not my problem.”

In one way or another, we often hear these questions and statements. Why does it seem, Miller asks, that the only thing people know how to do now is point fingers elsewhere, blaming something or someone else for their problems, their actions, or their feelings?

It’s understandable that we think and feel the way we do, especially when we get frustrated. But the exclamations above are all negative and do not solve any problem. Say them out loud. How do they make you feel? For me: powerless; as a victim of the environment and the people around me. I don’t want to be a victim. I want to have influence and a voice in my circumstances. Many of the organizations I see today reflect the tendency in our society to blame other people, act like victims, and generally not take responsibility for our own actions. QBQ is a tool that helps people practice personal responsibility by asking better questions. The idea that we are responsible for our own choices and free to make better decisions is fundamental to QBQ. Miller writes that “Sometimes people think they have no choice. They will say things like, ‘I have to’ or ‘I can’t.’ But we always have a choice. Always. Realizing this and taking responsibility for our choices is a big step to make great things happen in our lives.

Let’s review the tool Miller believes brings personal responsibility to life: the QBQ. Here are the three simple guidelines for creating a QBQ.

QBQ:

1. Start with “What” or “How” (not “Why”, “When” or Who).

When we ask “when,” for example, we are really saying that we have no choice but to wait and postpone action until another time. Questions that start with “When” lead to procrastination. Procrastination is a sneaky problem. We put off a problem until a little later, and then a little later, and then a little later, until before we know it we’ve put off action for so long that we have a serious problem. Miller quotes a friend who likes to say, “Let’s take care of the little things while they’re still little.” When we ask “Who,” we deviate to someone else and take the responsibility off ourselves. We’re looking for scapegoats and someone else to blame.

two. Contain an “I” (not “they”, “we”, or “you”).

Personal responsibility is about each of us taking responsibility for our own thinking and behavior and the results they produce. Blame questions and “whodunit” solve nothing. They create fear, destroy creativity and build walls. There is no chance that we will reach our full potential until we stop blaming each other and start practicing personal responsibility. No matter what we are trying to achieve, there is always some kind of barrier to overcome and often it is something we have no control over. Instead of focusing on barriers, let’s work to become so good that we will succeed no matter what. Who do the responsible people blame? No one, not even themselves.

3. Focus on the action.

To make a QBQ action-focused, we add verbs like “do,” “do,” “achieve,” and “build” to questions that start with “What” or “How” and contain an “I.” You end up with questions like these:

“What can I do to help you do your job better?”

“What can I do to make a difference?”

“How can I support the team?”

“How can I help move this forward?”

“How can I provide you with value?”

“What solution can I provide?”

“How can I do my job better today?”

“How can I improve the situation?”

“How can I understand you better?”

“What can I do to find the information to make a decision?”

“How can I adapt to the changing world?”

Taking action may seem risky, but doing nothing is a bigger risk! Although there are risks involved in taking action, the alternative, inaction, is almost never the best option. Miller writes that:

• Action, even when it leads to mistakes, brings learning and growth. Inaction brings stagnation and atrophy.
• Action leads us to solutions. Inaction at best does nothing and keeps us in the past.
• Action requires courage. Inaction often indicates fear.
• Action builds trust; inaction, doubt

QBQ is the practice of personal responsibility: we discipline our thoughts. We ask better questions. We take action. QBQ: The question behind the question. Practice it… and may it serve you well.