“Raising children IS the hardest job in the world!” a statement every new parent hears. Your response would be a simple nod or a laugh, but you’ll have no idea until your baby DOES come out.
I bet you were thinking, “No, it doesn’t sound so bad.” Once your child is born, it means the end of your social life; No more going out on Fridays to catch up with friends. Instead, he will be at home tending to your baby’s needs.
You may have thought that you can get up early to go for a run! But the reality is, you’ll be begging for a few minutes of sleep until your child starts crying for milk or a diaper change.
expectation versus reality in parenting
Oh! We ALL thought it would be easy. YOU had a vision: family vacations, fun activities for the kids, your baby’s firsts and so much more, but she can’t always go the way she planned.
Expectation: Turn off the lights and tune in to lullabies as you rock your baby to sleep. In half an hour, she will tuck her son into bed and sleep next to her all night.
Fact: It’s 11pm and your baby is showing no signs of sleep. Even if the child sleeps, you would wake up crying every few hours.
Expectation: Feed your child vegetables and meat with ease.
Fact: Your child throws a tantrum and pushes food away. In the end, you’ll be cleaning up a LOT of food waste.
Expectation: Your child is in the bathtub playing with a rubber duck while scrubbing and washing it.
Fact: While bathing your child, they will get wet in the process. There will be times when your child doesn’t even want to go inside!
Expectation: On Saturday night, you go out with your friends after a tiring week. You would be laughing and dancing all night.
Reality: Come Saturday morning, you’ll call it off because you’re still exhausted from the sleepless nights. You would rather sleep than go out, any day.
These are some examples of the reality of parenting. Of course, it is not always bad. There are great experiences that come with being a parent.
Being able to see your child for the first time,
Observing while exploring the world – fascination through your eyes as you look from one object to another,
The contagious laughter of a baby,
The peaceful face while your child sleeps in your arms, and much more.
As the child grows…
There will be new and challenging problems. But problems come along with great and unforgettable memories.
Let’s get to the point, children will not always follow what you want. As your child gets older, he will do what he thinks is right. There is nothing wrong with this, it shows the desire to be independent.
But what is unacceptable is how the child stops listening to you! What is the cause of this? Is it the need for freedom?
There is only one cause and most parents deny it. One word: Communication. “What?! But I make sure to talk to my son!”
What is the real reason you can’t communicate effectively? It’s you…
We’ve been kids before, on the receiving end of our parents’ “don’t do this because…” readings.
Do I help you? Sometimes yes! But what if your parents start talking non-stop? You may find yourself staring into space or completely ignoring them.
A child’s attention span is short. Therefore, it is better to send her message in less than 30 seconds. But what if it still doesn’t work? Maybe you’re the kind of parent who says…
- “No means no!”
Or any negative feedback like, “You can not do that!” while raising your voice and pointing your finger.
Now what’s wrong with this? If you emphasize the word “you”, the child may feel that he is being attacked or accused of something. Remember, when you keep saying no, the person will do what quite the opposite of what you want
- Shooting is the ONLY option
Imagine: your child is busy playing on his phone and calls you several times. When you start to yell, that’s enough to get his attention.
Parents resort to yelling and kids only listen when you do. Because? Because they have concluded that once you yell, you mean business.
- Talking to an inattentive child
Cynthia is busy watching a TV show on Netflix when her mom walks in and says, “Cyn, what did I tell you about your clothes lying around? Can’t you just for once…”
As parents, we can’t help but immediately speak up. We believe that our son’s ears would perk up at the signal of our voice. The only problem here is not getting her son’s attention before giving her a message.
- Create a dominant child
If your child is used to getting his way, then you are more likely to have a dominant child. A dominant child is an individual who only listens and does what he wants.
Coddling and giving in to tantrums in the early stages of childhood creates this type of behavior.
- mental condition
Mental health awareness should be practiced in your family. He has tried everything he can to get his son to listen, but all he gets is a big NO. What does this mean? It is better to go for a check-up, there are problems such as hearing problems or of some kind.
There are also disorders like oppositional defiant disorder where your child NEVER listens to anyone. The child will be so energetic that he gets out of hand.
Have you ever been in this kind of situation? You ask your son to do something and he refuses to do it. You will ask in a nice way, but what you get is still a no. Even if his son throws a tantrum, he will forcefully say “NO!”
“Help! Should I resort to punishment?” Do you think it is the best option? In all honesty, punishment creates more problems. Your child is more likely to be stubborn and defiant. So what is the alternative? Discipline.
Discipline is a more realistic perspective on parenting technique. Instead of the old-fashioned “follow what your parents want,” discipline basically teaches us to work WITH our children.
What do you get from this?
Be more patient
Feel the emotional connection
I want to be a great example.
Once you practice this, communication will improve. Your child will most likely be the one to come up to you and say, “Mom and Dad, my day was…” instead of you starting the conversation.
Sometimes, however, all your child wants is quality time. There are times when we are busy with our lives: we need to finish paperwork at home, prepare a meal or go to bed.
Yeah, you try to make conversation but it’s just casual, “how was your day? What did you do at school?”
Other times, your child approaches but you don’t notice. Ask your child this question: “Why don’t you listen to me?” Chances are you’re here, “Because you don’t.” How is that possible?
There are times when we say, “Okay, yeah, I hear you” while you’re doing a task. What your child really wants is for you to stop what you’re doing, look at it, and show interest.
How would you react if you are speaking at an important meeting and the president is busy texting on his phone? You will not be disappointed and offended? You’ve been so excited to tell your speech, but all you get is half-hearted acknowledgment.
Well, this is how your son feels when he chooses to do something while he talks. His child would feel that his own parents do not appreciate him enough.
The three questions you should ask yourself…
As parents, we tend to use an authoritative tone. It’s the same expression as “Hear me roar and scare you.” Why do we resort to something we would not like to experience? Speak in a way that offends us?
The three simple questions will be enough to help you to self-realization. Am I doing the right thing for my child? What should I improve?
- What is the reason behind my child’s behavior?
Before you start reading or disciplining your child, find the core of the problem. What is causing this behavior? Why did your son stay silent? Sometimes the answer is visible, but we need a simple nudge to be aware of it.
- What does my son feel?
Children are human beings, when you scream they tend to hide in a cocoon. Before you lash out, try putting yourself in your child’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were on the receiving end.
- What is the effect of this technique?
Punishment creates destructive behavior, spoiling your child creates a dependent individual. But discipline makes a child mature and emotionally stable.
Sometimes all your child needs is an ear to listen, hugs and kisses to put them at ease, and just to know that home is where you can be “you.”