Prepare for the best: develop optimism in your children

Pessimism and optimism are character traits our children are born with. But that doesn’t mean we have to accept them! Directing our children towards optimism helps them to better embrace life.

Last summer, for example, my family took a trip to an orphanage in Kenya. Before we left, we were all required to do several takes. Being a parent who believes in full disclosure, I told my kids when I made the appointment. Big mistake. Rebecca, my oldest daughter, took it in stride. Katie, my youngest daughter, did not sleep for a week. Rebecca laughed at her mercilessly.

Then the big day arrived. Katie was the first and she didn’t even flinch. She said, at the end of it all, “That wasn’t so bad.” And Rebecca? We had to peel it off the ceiling.

Optimistic kids vs. pessimistic children

I then asked both of them which was better: endlessly worrying about something going wrong or not worrying at all and then being surprised when life kicks you in the teeth? In other words, would you rather be pessimistic or optimistic? Would you hate to trust and have faith, or would you rather worry? Pessimism believes in preparing for the worst, just as my youngest daughter did. She cried, she worried, she visualized, she moaned. That way, she told her, there was no way it could be as bad as she imagined.

Preparing for the best is more fun

Optimism, on the other hand, is embodied in my Rebecca who, as the firstborn, believes she is invincible. Nothing bad is really going to happen to her, so when it does, she is shocked. She may not handle it as well as Katie, but she still emerges from the other side. I tend towards Katie’s side of life, but watching Rebecca, I truly believe that life would be so much more fun if we all prepared for the best, instead of the worst.

Pessimistic children lose their lives

That doesn’t mean we all have to be carefree; only if we are so focused on the bad that can happen, we can miss the good. And we’re much less likely to try new things or take those big leaps because something, we’re never sure what, may be lurking around the corner. So we live a safe life. A comfortable life. But not a very big life.

Pessimistic children are risk averse

Risk aversion is closely related to pessimism. My Katie, as talented as she is, will not be taking dance lessons, although she dances in the house. She may not like it, you see. She didn’t volunteer to do a solo in the Christmas play, though after seeing all of her friends do it, she commented that she might have done it after all. What about the piano competition we entered you in this year? She feared him, until it was time to play. As we were leaving, she said, “That was really fun. Can I do it again?” After listening to her complain for two weeks, she nearly strangled her. Those kids who have a “prepare for the worst” personality should be pushed to try new things. But once they try these things, and the sky doesn’t fall, they’re more likely to do it again.

Create opportunities to drive optimism

Ask your pessimistic child to do at least one new thing each season. For Katie it has meant certain sports and certain competitions, but in your family it can be something else. Support them through this, encourage them, pray with them, and even quit if it becomes too much. But make the effort. The more a pessimistic child stretches and discovers that the world is actually fun, the more optimism can grow.

Pessimism is not a fixed personality trait. Keep pushing your little one into new adventures and encourage him to aim for the sky. She may wake up one morning to hear his son say, “I can’t wait!” And that’s a moment I look forward to too!