Top 10 ugly musicians and beautiful women
It’s a fact of life that ugly guys don’t end up with hot women, despite what propaganda movies like Shrek, Groundhog Day, and Jaws II have tried to teach us.
That is unless you make a living playing in a band, it doesn’t even have to be a believable band for a country band. So join us as we count down the top 10 ugliest musicians and beautiful women.
Number 10 – Gene Simmons (Bassist – Kiss)
This bass-playing, womanizing, fire-breathing “big-tongued guy” claims to have slept with over 1,000 women. We honestly don’t get how this overweight aging rocker, who hasn’t put out a good record since 1974, stays with his long-time girlfriend (and former Playboy playmate) Shannon Tweed, while getting away with everyone and each of the women he chooses (including an Austrian supermodel, famously filmed in the Gene Simmons sex tape). Also, he looks at his hair…he’s 58 years old…how come it’s NOT a wig?
Number 09 – Billy Joel (Solo)
The original “pianist”. In the early days he was almost visible, but unfortunately the years do bad things to people and poor Billy hasn’t aged well. These days he looks more like a golf ball sitting on the rough 5-yard green, but not to his ex-girlfriend, supermodel Christie Brinkley and other rumored pranksters, including Elle Macpherson and Dina Meyer.
Number 08 – Kid Rock (Redneck Rap Rocker)
A disgrace to all musical genres that transcends. The country rap-rock “artist” has always been wreaking havoc on the public while he churns out terrible records. However, with a history of dating women like Jamie Presley, Sheryl Crow and, most famously, an engagement to Pamela Anderson, it makes me want to grow a goatee and play the banjo.
Number 07 – Vince Neil (Vocalist – Motley Crue)
Vince Neil is probably eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching porn as we speak. He is the biggest bum in rock music. The less-talented member of Motley has been singing for them since 1981, and while he’s sold over 80 million albums, he’s also dated Shannon Doherty, Tori Spelling and was even married to model Heidi Mark for a short time. Not bad for a man who looks like an overweight bearded lady.
Number 06 – Pete Doherty (Vocalist – Babyshambles)
A cocktail of drugs that walks and talks. The only man in the history of science to be partially made of cocaine. Perhaps it is that amazing feat that Kate Moss found so appealing?
Number 05 – Adam Duritz (Vocalist – Counting Crowes)
It’s no secret that Counting Crows is the worst band in music history. Unfortunately for Adam, he also wins the prestigious award for worst hair and beard. Although, despite getting him to grow a gerbil on her chin, he has managed to woo the likes of Christina Applegate, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox AND David Schwimmer. PS one of these is not true.
Number 04 – Steven Tyler (Vocalist – Aerosmith)
Nicknamed “The Screaming Demon,” Aerosmith frontman and ’80s rock icon Steve Tyler is probably most famous for flaunting lips that wouldn’t look out of place 10,000 feet under the sea. He may have even written ‘Dude (looks like a lady)’ about his own addiction to plastic surgery! However, this doesn’t seem to turn women off: After his 17-year marriage ended, he rushed into bed with Tara Reid, 28 years his junior.
Number 03 – Marilyn Manson (Vocalist – Marilyn Manson)
The self-confessed “Antichrist Superstar” is the weirdest man in rock. Maybe it goes with the whole “burning bibles” thing that he makes to look like part Dracula and part Krusty The Clown, but what Evan Rachel-Wood, Rose McGowan, Jenna Jameson and Dita Von Teese see in him … who knows. ..?
Number 02 – Ric Ocasek (Singer/Guitarist – The Cars)
Now we’re getting into the REALLY ugly. To think that there is actually someone in the world UGLER than Ric is terrifying, surely his wife, Czech supermodel Paulina Porizkova, must either a) have a fetish for the human walrus or b) lack vision.
Number 01 – Lyle Lovett (country music singer/songwriter)
Lyle Lovett is an institution. It gives hope to even the most horrible looking men on the planet. The 50-year-old Texan who sings country music for a living was born looking unlucky as one can imagine, but in 1993 he married Julia Roberts. Yes, that’s right… he married Julia Roberts. Unfortunately, the couple broke up in 1995, but the damage had already been done. Lyle Lovett, you are a king among men.
