Thanksgiving can be painful
When you lose someone you love, Thanksgiving feels heavy and painful. When a brain tumor took the life of our precious Katie, she dreaded that vacation. For seven years we didn’t serve turnips because they were Katie’s favorite vegetable. The thought of the seasonal scent of her wafting through our house without her was simply too much to bear.
I don’t share this part of me today to make you sad. I share this because you are my extended family and I am yours, we are all fellow travelers. During our life we will lose the people we love or they will lose us because that is how the cycle of life goes. But when we suffer a loss, we wonder if we will ever get over the pain of its crippling grievance. We believe that we will not survive and we doubt that we can ever feel happy again. Even poor Charlie Brown had doubts, “I think I’m losing control of the whole world,” he sighed once. Giving thanks also seems contradictory when we just want to cry. But we can give thanks and we can continue. Here are some suggestions on how to do it.
- Make the conscious decision to live. That means you get out of bed every day and put your feet on the ground. “Thank you for my feet” even if they don’t feel like walking.
- Allow yourself private time and space to quietly listen to songs that were important to your loved one and grieve some more; sigh a little more; but then switch to another type of music to distract yourself.
- Do something active like take a walk and meditate on your specific pain. Have a little talk with the loved one you lost and allow her tears to flow; they are healing you
- Write down your wishes for your beloved in a private journal; Expressing her feelings is crucial to her journey through grief and sadness.
- Go to someone else’s house or a movie if you don’t feel like cooking – normal has been redefined for you. If you have children or grandchildren, hug them. Children don’t always understand death, but they understand life and it will rub off on them, I promise.
- Turn to your partner or friends for comfort, not against them. Seek spiritual guidance as often as you feel the need.
- Remember, the stages of grief and loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are particularly heightened during the Thanksgiving holiday, so reflect more mindfully on your many present blessings and less on your sorrows and losses. Our Katie told me more than once that someone always has it worse and she was right.
- Pray for strength and courage to accept your current life and then pray some more. Do some yoga. Yes, I know it’s difficult, I’m not speaking in the abstract here; I am with you every step of the way.
- Consider all the other people in your life who love and depend on you. They need and want you there physically, emotionally, and spiritually this Thanksgiving, even if you’re sad. Because? Because they love you and want to give you an extra hug. We all need those extra hugs when we’re hurting.
My friends, the Creator has planted an abundance of love and mercy in your heart for your loss. And although yes, we must surrender to the physical absence of our loved ones, we also trust with all our souls that now they are at peace and we will be given the grace to find peace too, and the courage to make this Thanksgiving Day Thank you and Every day matters.
