Do fairy tales exist?

Love at first sight. They are seen from across the room. His eyes lock. All other people fade away. The music starts. He approaches her and it is as if they have known each other for a lifetime. They kiss. They marry. And 2.5 kids later and a black lab, they live happily ever after. After all. It is a fairy tale.

I do a lot of relationship work with my clients. And it’s no wonder you hear the same complaints over and over from both men and women. It’s almost as if both of you have forgotten that relationships require work.

A woman I have worked with over the years told me that monogamy is a thing of the past. For some yes. For many, no. When we reviewed his dating history, all of his relationships ended in infidelity, or he was just a ghost. Delving into these conversations, I asked her if she was ever the one who committed the infidelity. She said yes. About a third of the time. When I asked why did it come out? She said she didn’t want to be the first to get hurt. Hmm …

When does causing pain justify not working for progress? There comes a time when you have to decide that being in a relationship isn’t just about you. I have had several clients {and friends} who have been married 4 or more times. Guess what? It is not them. Most likely it is you. Marriage often gets a bad rap. Despite having a bad reputation, the divorce rate continues to decline. 50% of all marriages end in divorce has not been true for quite some time. A marriage is like a fairy tale. They both take work.

I am often asked what is the best advice to give to someone who is getting married. The short answer. If you are not willing to give it your all, especially when your partner is clearly not, marriage is not for you. Yes, a healthy marriage is reciprocal. But you can’t control that. All you can control is what you are putting into a relationship. I am not suggesting that you endure a lifetime of unhappiness. I am suggesting that it is very rare that you and your partner are going to put the best of themselves in the relationship at the same time.

I know of couples who broke up because one of them got sick. They literally left because their partner was in bed for a few weeks. I am not judging these individuals. However, I wonder if they ever loved their partner in the first place. Or was it more like they loved the idea of ​​how their partner made them feel?

So, do fairy tales exist? I think they do. But they require work. And if you work. You may see that happy ending that you are looking for.