I’m sure you think the ‘love is blind’ cliché is overrated, but neuroscience, this wunderkind of science, reveals with almost cruel satisfaction that some areas of our brain shut down when love hits us, blinding the ration of the intelligent decisions that we must make.
The brain scans of people who were madly in love are very similar to the brain scans of people who used cocaine. There you have it: love is more or less a drug in itself. In a way, we are all drug dealers: the drug of choice is love and other emotional enhancers.
Love could be a wonderful event if sometimes we don’t fall in love with the wrong person. If that person is a narcissist, his charge will reach heights worthy of better causes. Either way, you need to learn how to deal with this situation.
According to the American Psychological Association, people with narcissistic personality disorder show a chronic, pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.
Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, as if they have a special mission on this earth, and often have a “king-like” personality, while everyone else must behave as humble servants of their desires.
They always exaggerate their achievements and talents doing their best to gain everyone’s attention and recognition. Most of the time they are arrogant and self-absorbed to fulfill their special destiny.
The narcissist will indulge in fantasies of tremendous power, success, or beauty, being addicted to the attention and admiration others display. You will find a lot of snobbery among them who do not deny it but take pride in it.
They see themselves as unique masterpieces: God himself earned his Ph.D. by creating them. Complicated rather than complex personalities, they will find it difficult to empathize with other people.
In reality, they cannot go outside the perimeter of their own personality, without understanding how other people do not think the same as them. That is why many times you can have the feeling that you are talking to a wall because no matter how deep you explain your point of view, it is more likely that a narcissist will not understand it. A brick and iron wall.
They cannot maintain relationships that are too long, most of the time because the people around them give up explaining themselves over and over again. The narcissist transforms his partners into beggars: you will beg for understanding and unconditional attention and most of the time you will only celebrate the leftovers of the feast that the narcissist gave himself.
You will find many successful individuals with this syndrome, because narcissism will drive them to achieve success and accumulate power to fuel their self-admiration. Many achievers have a dose of healthy narcissism, or self-confidence, but healthy narcissism or selfishness won’t ask the world to reflect their inflated self-image and ego.
A relationship with a narcissistic personality will require a lot of energy and work, because they constantly need external support and approval. Once these needs are met, they feel powerful, but many times this need will be very difficult to meet. They are left feeling vulnerable and alone, which is how they will explain their “cheating” behavior.
The genesis of this personality disorder dates back to childhood. Most of the time they will be the only child in a family, but even then they have been ignored or the parents had high expectations of perfection from the child.
The child will proudly begin this quest to earn the appreciation of his parents, leaving him unable to understand other people’s needs, as his needs were not understood as a child.
How to spot a narcissist?
1. Beware of people who advertise too much. They will always want to be in the center of attention. Constantly seeking approval and admiration, they will take over “the stage” and monopolize the discussion and action. They want to be the star in everyone’s movie.
2. Lack of empathy towards the needs of other people. They cannot pay attention to other people because they are in constant need of that attention. All are slaves and subject to comply with their demands. Narcissists want all the love, all the attention, all the possessions for themselves – they will be jealous of other people’s achievements and have a hard time acknowledging their success.
3. They can not accept criticism: appeal to their childhood memories and they will reject it with all their might. If you commit the leze-majesty of criticizing them, besides the fact that they will deny it, they will feel hurt and unloved. They will never accept responsibility for any crime and will be on a constant quest to find people to blame for their mistakes.
4. Many will be workaholics: Driven by a great desire for achievement, they will put all their efforts into achieving massive success.
It takes time to identify all of these character tidbits, as many are camouflaged as attractive, successful people who will always be fascinating and engaging. They can be interesting personalities but very difficult to handle, almost impossible.
The bad news is that they cannot be changed. Read again: the narcissist cannot be changed! Since they reject any form of criticism, even the constructive one, they cannot understand any evil and give themselves over to their self-proclaimed image of perfection. Many of them will have secret thoughts of being like gods and will literally be blind to any mistakes they make.
It is not advisable to give in to all their demands, you will only reinforce their great needs and they will have the feeling that it is normal that all their wishes are fulfilled without giving much in return.
How to deal with narcissistic partners?
Since they cannot be changed, you need to reassess your needs and long-term goals for a relationship; It can be interesting for a while to be around these types of people, but in the long run it becomes exhausting and anger and resentment will overshadow any feeling. of love and tenderness.
1. Do not give in to their incessant demands, maintain your independence from these types of people – if you depend on them in any way, they will blackmail you into giving in to their wishes.
2. Do not be infuriated by their lack of empathy or understanding, they are not capable of it. Showing them their inability will do nothing, they will blame you for everything that doesn’t work.
3. Finally, decide when enough is enough. A relationship with a narcissist can take you places you don’t want to be, it can cause you to behave in ways you don’t recognize. It can undermine your self-esteem and rob you of the attention you need to try to meet all your needs.
Many artistic personalities will be narcissistic and self-absorbed, self-centered. The fascination with them will make many of you fall in love with them, since their love will be the same as their personality: irrational, instinctive, possessive and overwhelming. Which will sometimes unlock that crazy, passionate behavior inside of you: fun for a while, but it will wear you down and leave you with nothing in the end.
Narcissists will become attached to those who meet their needs but will never treat them as partners but as followers. They have a need to constantly lead and be in control; they do not need equals but disciples or accommodating. The worst that can happen is when a narcissist meets someone with low self-esteem: he will be the victim and the perfect toy for them.
Defend yourself, do not give up on your needs and do not believe all their explanations: their constant need for admiration and approval will make them flirt with many of the opposite sex and not infrequently even cheat to reaffirm their power of seduction.
Although they have a certain charisma and aura, probably the outrageous feeling of self-confidence is their most magnetic gift, they come with a lot of work. Enjoy while you feel that what keeps you together is more than what separates you, but know when to leave, as there is currently no treatment available, apart from brain surgery. I guess not, since they are considered so perfect.
Let them create if they are artists or achieve the success they want, while you go ahead and fulfill your emotional and human needs. Love stories can be beautiful without drama and self-proclaimed kings and gods around you.